dream

Last month I wrote a post about how I don't want to force my self studying too hard only to compete to get the highest score at school. I hope you're not bored hearing this kind of story all over again. Well, it's still confusing me because sometimes deep in my heart I want to get the highest score too (who doesn't?). It's like half of my heart I just want to enjoy my school life and not care at all about being the 'highest' or the 'smartest' in the class. But the other half, sometimes I wanna win over my friends too. I know if in the future most people don't care at all about your high school score. And my belief is still 'your grade / smartness won't determine your future'. Because when you're going to get a job, they look at your university's certificate and graduation score, right? (Am I right?)

I feel like I'm totally lost and don't know about my exact desire. I've told you before that since elementary school my parents cared a lot about my grades, and I always got the 1st or 2nd rank. But since junior high school they didn't really force me about that, and I'm getting lazier. My grade dropped to 4th or 5th, because what was in my mind it was already good, and yeah as what I wrote last month, I wanted to enjoy my school life without being pressured by the score competition at school. But now I'm in the 9th grade and on April I'll have national exam. Seeing my preparation exams results, I kinda feel sad and feel I'm getting stupider than before. In 7th grade my score was really good and had many high scores in my report card, and it keep decreasing from 8th grade -_- (yeah although sometimes in some terms it increases too)

It makes me stressed and tired.. It makes me want to graduate from high school very soon and enter university because it's not as competitive as in high school, right?

My friends are so ambitious and smart. They won't let anyone win over them. They really care about one point score difference and will fight like there's no tomorrow when they argue something.(no I'm not as far as them. When I lost to them, I never argue much). There was a day when the smart student in my class said this to me when we were running in p.e lesson "omg I will use the rest energy in my body because it'd be a shame if I lose to you!" (I was like. geez.. your words.. #jleb). I never say like that to anyone !! -_-. It makes me think oh God he's soo very very very ambitious, huh?

In my heart, in the national exam I want to make my parents proud just like 3 years ago when I got the 1st rank in 6th grade. I know I'm so inconsistent. It's just last month I wrote about this , and my mind 'slightly' has changed now. 

I think what happened in me is just a change in myself. I was the girl who was really ambitious and want to always get the highest score, and then I want to be a not-so-ambitious girl and don't wanna care about score at all. I'm just confused between 2 different 'personalities' in myself. And NOW, I want this time, for the national exam, I WANT to get the highest score, I WILL study hard. Although sometimes it makes me stressed and kinda pressured when studying, but if I get the highest score for national exam, I believe I'll feel happier than ever and my parents will be so proud of me. 

You may consider me as a 'labil' teen because I admit I really am. I show myself as an inconsistent person in this post, because until now, I'm still confused with my own heart. I don't know where I can share this 'feeling' except to this blog. When I tell this story 'live' to my bestie / my parents, I'd easily cry in the middle of 'my sharing moment' and at the end I don't finish telling it to them.   (yes I'm a crybaby. I easily cry when I feel sad. Even my teacher said she wouldn't expect me as a crybaby because she thought I was such a tough girl). 

Mom, I really wish you read this post and tell me what should I do.I don't have the guts telling you about this. I know you're sad and disappointed when I told you about my scores in the 1st and 2nd try outs at school. I'm so sorry about that T.T. But mom,  I really really really want to get the highest score and make u and dad proud with my score / grades in national exam (Honestly I want to be in the top three too but I wasn't confident enough) . I just don't want to disappoint you. :'( It needs a lot of effort to be in the top three (1st-3rd rank), but I will do it all to make u proud since it's also what I want too. . I believe I can do it because I'm a person who'll work hard on what I want and it's my responsibility as your daughter. You and dad work really hard for me and I believe as a student, the only way to pay back is to study hard and make you proud. If I succeed, I'll be the happiest kid alive because I can make my parents proud.. It's my biggest wish now. And since I'm also a person who'll do anything to get what I want, I must be more diligent from now on to reach my dream. 

mad for glitter

Hi! I'm so happy today because the 2nd try out has finished this morning. I hope I'll get the best results! The 2nd try out was good because there's only one subject per day, so we had more time to study, and we went home at 9am! That was an a.w.e.s.o.m.e thing for a student like me. I like that better than sleeping in the class because of boredom. 

I bought this super cool top from Only I, I've worn this outfit twice with two different shoes. The first outfit I wore it with gold glitter wedges from UP, and the second I wore it with silver glitter sneakers from zara kids. I wore the first outfit when I went to church last Tuesday and wore the 2nd outfit when I went out with my friends. :)

top - only i , sleeveless shirt worn underneath - bershka, jeans - gap kids (I wore it for 216546431 *lebay angkanya* times already but still like it very much)

Well. Few weeks ago (I don't really remember when), I checked my formspring account and received some hateful comments from anonymous. It wasn't my first time actually. I think in 2010 there was also an anonymous attacked me on formspring till I decided to deactivate my formspring account for awhile. At that time it really made me sad and lost my spirit to continue blogging every time I remembered those harsh words. But now, It's not the same anymore because recently another anonymous left such a stupid comment on my formspring. She (I don't know if she's a girl / a boy / a transsexual, but let me describe her as a she) said that I have a boring style, smile, and also she asked me to quit blogging (and at the end of her sentence, she said "love you". wth? you described yourself as my hater and you said "love you". so you love me / hate me?? lol). I was like... what?? You're not even my mom, or my dad, or my uncle, or my aunt, or my sis, or my friends. You have no relations to me and you dare asking me to quit blogging? And then I realized how stupid she is. If you don't like my blog, you should stop reading my blog, and never ever type my blog url again. If you don't like my blog, why should you spend yout time by reading my blog? If I have a boring style, smile, etc and it bother you, just click the close button and never ever visit my blog again.  Isn't that simple ? I'm pretty sure if you do that then you don't need to waste your time to left harsh words on my formspring anymore. My blog is not a radio who plays all song including the songs you hate and you like but you can't skip it. My blog is my online diary and I'm the only one who own and write on this blog. You have no right to ask me to quit blogging.

Well, I guess she just need some nutrition for her brain, so that she can think first before saying those words to me. Thanks for her critics about my style, it's a motivation for me to improve it, but once again, you (anonymous), you have no right asking me to quit blogging. thank you.

ring : only i 

Tomorrow I'll go to school and have normal schedule again. And next Monday until Saturday I'll have another round of exam. Seems like I'll be very busy because I'm a 9th grader now and I have to prepare for national exam. Veren, fightinggg!!! ;D *cheering up myself*

As what I've promised to you, here's the video of my dance performance. Sorry if it's not that good but we promise we'll practice harder and perform better in another chance :) .





(note : I uploaded the new version of the video. I changed the audio to the clear one so that you can enjoy it better :) )

floral and friends

details:

1,2,3,4 Vogue Girl Korea 2012

5 Jonathan Saunders Fall 2012

6 Chanel S/S 2012 Backstage

7 Nina Ricci Pre Fall 2012

8 Rochas

9,10 Jason Wu Spring 2012 Backstage

11 Marc Jacobs F/W 2012 Backstage

12 Mischa Barton

13 D&G F/W 2012 Backstage

14 Mary Katrantzou x Topshop

15 Peter Som S/S 2012 RTW

16 G-Dragon for Vogue Korea

sources : stardust and sequins, style.com, allkpop.com, tumblr, coolechicstylefashion, etc.

Lovely

 Yesterday soulsisters (my dance team) participated in Emeron Lovely Roadshow with Cherrybelle (Indonesian Girlband) event at SMK Pius Tegal. The event was fun and crowded. I'm so happy my friends came to watch our performance, and our performance was successful and got nice respond from the audience :)

We also did a cover of cherrybelle's famous song, love is you. here is my awkward face -__-

This is the best dancer in my team, Gabriella The :)

I don't know why but I never look good on camera whenever I dance T.T. My dance team members wore my clothes because we don't have much time to buy same clothes because there's not any good shop in my city. And since we danced to remix songs (cute + RnB) we decided to wear skorts to mix the cute and 'cool' style. Aaanddd. the person who owns a lot of skorts is mee... hahaha ;p

Most of cherrybelle's fans who came in the afternoon were girls, and when cherrybelle performed at night, the audiences mostly are boys. The girl fans were so rude at night. I think they're too tired watching other performers since 4pm and couldn't wait for cherrybelle, there was a band who's just on the stage and the fans yelled at them and told them to get off from the stage. Thank God my team's turn was in the afternoon (before the break) -_-. I'd directly cry on the stage if the audiences told me to get off from the stage -_-

The ending 'pose'

 Had fun in cherrybelle's photobooth

Hello I'm cherrybelle's 10th member.. lol.. kidding ;P

Can u see the excited fans when cherrybelle came? They sang pretty well. I must say cherrybelle is the only Indonesian girlband that I love (and I know beside 7icons). I think some of them sang live, some of them (who didn't have a really good vocal) lipsynced or sang with small voice. They looked pretty and danced energetically too.  

 I want to share my performance's video , but it's still on process. When it's done, I think I'll post it on my blog :D. Do you want to see it?

 BIG THANKS to Leticia who took the photos! :D

p.s : I'll have 2nd try out start from tomorrow until Thursday, and next week I'll have mid-term exam, so I think I won't be able to reply your comments. Thank you so much to all of who who left comments on my posts. I'll reply back when I have time, okay? See you! :D

Today's song : FT Island - Severely (I've been repeating this songs for the past few days)

Valentine's

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY EVERYONE!! <3

This year I gave chocolates to my friends. Usually I make chocolates by myself, but this year I didn't have much time. So I bought chocolates from the nearest supermarket near my house, and wrapped them by myself :P. It was last-minute, because I didn't plan to do anything on v's day. I spent around 1 hour to wrap them all.

I got a lot of presents on v's day.  Plus, I also received my new wedges from iwearup.com that I purchased last month. Aren't they gorgeous??

Today I received a great news. I passed the audition for an event in my city, and got the 2nd highest score <3. I'll be able to perform with an indonesian girlband (guess,who?) at the end of this week with my dance team. Since we got the 2nd highest score and the 1st was a boy, the event organizer will make us to perform right before the actress' turn. There will be two television stations who will come to the event :D. Omg I'm very very veryyyy HAPPYYY today. It's the best valentine's day  I've ever had in my life!

Anyway, discussing about valentine's day, today at school my teacher said he didn't agree with valentine's day because he thought it means you only spend a day with love, and 364 other days without love -_-. I wanted to say "It's not like what you think actually. It's not that we only spend a day  full of love once a day and spend the rest without it, but today is just the 'special one', the day where we can show our love to our beloved people specially with some presents/other things, and the other days we still spend our life with love too. It's just like an annual celebration! Don't worry about the rest". But yeah, I kept silent because each person has different opinions, right?

Once again, Thanks God for all your blessings! I really spend today with full of love to my parents, friends, and everyonee~~. I love You! ;)

navy bow

I was going to post this outfit last Wednesday, but because I was too busy, I delayed it till now. ==".

I wore the divided skirt again from Pile of Thread. I just love it too much till I've worn it twice. If you're interested to buy, you may get inspiration from my outfits, and make sure to visit their shop here :D

I didn't go to school today because I'm not feeling really well. My throat hurts, my body aches, and I felt like I didn't have any energy in the morning. I woke up at 3am , felt so dizzy, and couldn't continue my sleep till now. I was lazy to go to school because I knew if I already felt not well like this, I wouldn't have any spirit to go to school, and I would end up sleeping in the middle of lesson or  asked the teacher if I could go home early :p.  Luckily I'm feeling better now :)

Because I didn't go to school and missed my dance practice today, I didn't do anything beside sitting in front of my computer, watching Dream High 2, and browsing random stuffs -__-

plaid shirt worn as inner : zara, long sleeve t-shirt : mango, wedges : yuan. 

All of sudden, I'm missing jeju.. I wish I can go back to south korea really soon for another visit, but next time I'm thinking not to go with tour because I've visited the routes that they offer . I wanna go to itaewon, apgujeong, myeongdong (I've visited south korea twice but never went there T.T), eat at local food stalls (ddukbokki and jajangmyun!), and still many more on the list! But I don't think my parents want to go to south korea again  for the three times, I think they're already bored ==. But not with me... So... I hope I can go there again with my brother or my sister. *argh how I wish my sis is still single and we can go to south korea together, just two of us, shopping, and eating!!* :P

Have a nice weekend, everyone! :)

Flo Rida ft.Sia - Wild Ones